Ketchup is God's man juice
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
