I don't think brook has ever known best
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
