Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
