i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
