Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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