idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
