...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
