My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
