i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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