You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the day after is always just damage control
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
