so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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