What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
