well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
