im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
