I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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