My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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