I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
