Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize