I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
