Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
