I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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