yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
