then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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