i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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