I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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