I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
