Say something about gay babies.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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