Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
