Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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