Your dad touched me again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
