I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
