He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
