Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
