I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
