I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
