My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
