Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My pussy is not your playground.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
