I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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