please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do vagina's smell?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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