There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
