im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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