You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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