i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
