Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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