i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
