I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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