New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
