My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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