I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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