Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
