The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
