i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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