dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
