i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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