my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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