hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
