Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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