I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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