You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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