I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
