Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
