I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
