this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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