Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
