i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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