I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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