I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize