moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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