just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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