I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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