all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
