I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize