i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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