I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
look no pants
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
