yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
