Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
