I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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