Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
