Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
