I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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