Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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