It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
zippers are such a cool invention
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He felt like a one man threesome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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