Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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