just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
