sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
