Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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