HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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