I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
