Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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