I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
