No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize