Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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