Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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