How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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