It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
