HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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