Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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