Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
