Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
