What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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