All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
