were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
