Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize